Clifton Road School

[mazbeth]

sorry mazbeth missed the "NO" out, somebody must have loved me because I certainly love my kids.

Phil

Phil, I'm just glad I picked up what I thought you meant...thanks. 
yes, somebody MUST have loved you...surely..
my own poor husband had crap parents in many ways (his mom abandoned him, the eldest of 3 boys, when he was only 7 )
but his almost blind grandmother showed him what love was...and I know he has learned much since (through his Christian faith...I hope no-one minds me saying that).

This probably needs it's own thread, as it's a huge subject...maybe tomorrow..eh?

[tramp]

As a child I cannot remember anyone who demonstrated any affection, and the only concern came from Mrs Phillips, the teacher we had in the last 2 years at Clifton Rd, as she got the headmistress to get my mother to allow me to take 11+, and then go to grammar school.  The result of this was ''if you think you're not going to get a job till you're 16, you've 'got another think coming', because you want to be thinking about paying me back for all the sacrifices I've made......'' Despite this, I never thought of my childhood as 'bad' per se, but as different to those of others.  Part of the plan of her and the boyfriend (rotten old s*d) was to get me thrown out of G S. and sent to a Secondary Modern, to prevent me from staying at school until 16. To do this, they took my satchel away when I got home, and I got it back in the morning, so I couldn't really do any homework.  The Head at KE wasn't daft and the lack of H/work was compared to class work, and the fact that I used to faint in morning Assembly sometimes was also noted. This was because of no tea or breakfast (nothing since last school lunch)   I never mentioned boyfriend's existence or the lack of tea, but I did I'd not had breakfast.  The result of all this was that B'ham Ed'n were recommended by the Head to send me to a residential school, which was feepaying, and turned out to be a minor 'public school'.  It was brilliant, 3 square, plus a light 'supper', massive playing fields with 6 winter sports pitches plus a cricket oval (and cricket squares between pitches) its own woods - it was terrific except for the couple or three dozen snotty nosed types, that I learned to ignore. 

Phil's right about love being an instinct, as that is how I later first became aware of ,and experienced it - long after I'd walked out of home.

[sueb]

Tramp, that's really sad about your childhood.  So many people moan about their past and blame problems on what happened to them as children but you've obviously overcome your past and done well despite, or should I  say, because, of it.
I don't think I'll ever feel sorry for myself ever again after reading that. 

[tramp]

sueb,

I never thought that I'd anything to overcome, as of disposition and necessity, I was independent from an early age.  I've never thought that moaning gets anyone anywhere, except other people into trouble ( my half brother was probably naturally talented that way ( by inheritance) as well as being constantly encouraged to do so, and so it frankly never occured to me to, there would've been no one to moan to anyway.

Until I was 13, I spent a lot of time at the baths and library on Moseley Rd, and I found Kipling's 'If'' - I've not been able to live up to it that much, but what flows from it, has always kept me positive and reinforced my independence of spirit when I've needed it most.

I've never thought of overcoming anything, just trying to express my way of doing things, meaning ''I don't need to fight as right now, I'm definitely not losing''.

[tramp]

Sueb,

I am sorry that my reply was a bit shorter than I’d have wished – there was a bit of earache in the background at the time - but most of all, I’d ask you to not be hard on yourself in any way as, your postings show you and your husband to be people with others at heart, and that's always No.1.  Well done and keep at it.

[sueb]

Thanks Tramp, that's such a kind reply.  I do try and stay positive and strong but sometimes things get a bit overwhelming.  There are mental health problems  in my family unfortunately.  My Mum had major problems and all 3 of my children as well, which manifests itself in different ways.  I'm so lucky 'cos it seems to have skipped a generation with me (I'm just naturally mad!) but sometimes it's hard being the strong one, though obviously I have to be strong for my children and grandson.  I'm also really lucky because my husband's so supportive.  Even though my Mum had problems I knew she loved me and my brother so I was lucky in that respect.  Like you say, you don't think anything of things when you're young, you just get on with life and make the best of your situation. 
Think I've gone off at a bit of a tangent - this forum is more like a confessional!!

BTW my friends and I have taken your advice about Cuba and we're going next year - yippee!

[mazbeth]

Sue, sorry to read about the things you have to cope with 
but thanks for being honest, and thanks for being an example to us all

[tramp]

Good Lord Sueb, you've had your hands and heart full all through your life.  It must have been a succession of heart rending hammer blows to have had the symptoms confirmed in each of your children.....you've lived and will continue to live a wonderfully selfless life.  Fine words to read, but I'm sure that they can come nowhere near to describing the daily details of special, different, and time consuming frustration and lovingkindness, that are the continually everchanging challenges of your reality.  I don't believe in coincidences, so I'm happy to say that today would have been my daughter's 36th birthday; she died 29 years ago last week of an inoperable brain tumour - and it seems far closer than that.   You wrote ''when you're young, you just get on with life and make the best of your situation'' and you, much, much more than most, certainly more than me, continue to do exactly that, every morning is a renewal of committment.  My admiration and respect for you both is greater than I can put into words. So, ,it's your turn to laugh.

[mazbeth]

Tramp...to lose a child is the worst of all.
I won't say anymore, but know that my heart goes out to you 

I've just read again...it would have been her birthday?
Well, I hope this doesn't sound strange, but we can be thankful that she was born...I am sure the day of her birth was one to be grateful for.

[tramp]

Mazbeth,

Thank you, in no way does it sound strange, the opposite would be very strange. 
She died after the divorce, no one, even the graveside minister, spoke to me at her funeral, but I'd seen her for a long last time earlier that morning and that was enough. 
I am enormously thankful for the great happiness she brought to me and others in her brief life, and would never regret a moment of it, until she began to suffer. Even in that, she was a beautiful brave little girl.  I was living and working in Nigeria and she was born in London, and when she was born, the phones were execrable - it was two days later that I found out.  All my Nigerian staff said ''sorry'', they only wanted boys, whereas while I would have settled for either, I'd already chosen her name, Marie-Louise, as I was convinced that s/he be would be what I wanted most.

[sueb]

Tramp, as Mazbeth says, nothing could be worse than losing a child and your loss puts other things into perspective.  I'm sure you have many happy memories of her, which must be a great comfort to you.  She sounds as though she was a lovely little girl.