Author Topic: Lost Family  (Read 9536 times)

Jacqueline

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Lost Family
« on: April 20, 2008, 12:28:00 AM »
Many of us look for ancestors but a few have a missing parent. It was true in the past of the war brides and so many with american fathers who had returned to the states.
Today it is probably more evident with so many single parents.
I hope this might give hope to a few.

I was born in the 50's and my parents were estranged soon afterwards. The last time i saw my dad was when i was seven and we had little idea of where he had gone apart from a mention of Australia. For years i wondered about the truth of the other half of me.
Those in the same situation will probably understand. Not knowing or knowing very little of a parent does not live with you day and night but it's a bit like a cold, props up now and then and drives you nuts for a while.

43 years later when i hit 50 i found closure and it was via the help of the internet. I found an older half sister and without going into long details found where my dad died in NZ and a bunch of siblings both sides of the world. Not bad as i was a single child to my mother.

What i am trying to say to others in the same situation is DO NOT GIVE UP. You may not like the persons you find but it so puts to bed that cold.

tramp

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Re: Lost Family
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2008, 03:41:46 AM »
Jacqueline,

What an excellent post!  You've shown what and how it can be done, and done it yourself.  Perhaps best of all you've evaluated what and who you found.

I reckon that you'll succeed in motivating others to do likewise, congratulations!

I used the Internet as I'd seen nothing of my dad between 3 and 15 years of age, and he then died within a year and had been cremated before I knew - step mother was a nasty echo of her predecessor (my mom) and I had no photo of him until last year when I found some on the Internet, all taken just before he was wounded and thereafter at home on 2 weeks convalescence/embarcation leave.  I'm glad he was wounded, otherwise I'd not have been born!  My mom always said ''you're the spitting image of that ****''.  I knew I really was when we met up just before I turned 16.  At his cricket club they asked if I was his younger brother.  He was 38 then. The photos I found show him at 23/4, and I've a couple of driving license etc photos of me at around those ages, and we were even more alike, and we wore the same badges of army rank.  People here I've shown his photos to have all asked if they are of me.  It's really worth having a go - it took me nearly 10 years of (very) intermittent searches to find anything, so as Jacqueline said, don't give up, keep going for it.

Best of Luck.


P.S.  I'm just 65 so the photos are well on the road to 66/7 years old, but they look as if they were taken yesterday.


Jacqueline

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Re: Lost Family
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2008, 09:21:41 PM »
Tramp,
   I have met a few who were either born the wrong side of the sheets or with a father just doing a bunk. There seemed little divorce back then but more desertion.
   I never wanted to meet my dad again as i would have probably punched his lights out. I cannot say i am glad he is dead but more relieved he is. However i am delighted that i know the end story and could find another side of my family tree.
   Now hubby's parents were another kettle of fish. They hardly ever spoke of their siblings and after they died we knew little of ancestors and expected loads of skeletons. Ok we found one but many generations back but are slowly finding cousins etc. We still have missing links in aunts and uncles.
   It seems such a shame if a family falls out and the children are never told of relatives. So if a family shatters should we go back to family bibles? If only to tell our offspring the truth when they are old enough to grasp it.

Awhina

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Re: Lost Family
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2008, 01:26:08 PM »
Kia ora
Greetings to you both!
Your emails show the depth of hurt, pain, misunderstandings and sorrow that arise from such situations. I am fortunate that that I am researching the ancestors only but as one who has been a crisis intervention worker I have seen the raw pain that is felt when someone is lost at sea or missing from the lives of others.
What you both have is a form of resolution that at least you know the circumstances albeit late!
The lesson here is that nothing is secret!  I am constantly amazed at the detail I can unearth about my ancestors in a  number of different countries going back 300 years!

Do ensure your children get factual, unemotive information about their family appropriate to their age group - they 're bound to find out sometime!
Thanks for sharing!
Awhina
New Zealand

tramp

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Re: Lost Family
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2008, 01:40:30 AM »
Awhina,

There was no issue of resolution in my case, as I haven't forgotten what dad looked like, and as there were no unknown circumstances, I've no idea to what you are referring; rather it is just a matter of having the bonus of a few good photos.

I think you are mistaken in thinking that ''nothing is secret'' - it much more a question of the motivation of who, if anyone, knows, and what they will or have done with the knowledge.   I have retained a number of unrelated secrets from various countries, for several years, and others which I could have discovered, I decided it was not acceptable to pursue. finally, I no longer have a living child.

Awhina

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Re: Lost Family
« Reply #5 on: April 23, 2008, 08:32:24 AM »
Apologies for being human!
Awhina

tramp

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Re: Lost Family
« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2008, 01:01:07 PM »
Awhina,

Despite your last post, I sincerely still have no idea to what you are referring; indeed you made the issue less clear to me as your post did not make sense or seem relevant.

Jacqueline

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Re: Lost Family
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2008, 02:39:11 PM »
Tramp i do not think Awhina meant any harm with the post and i was not offended by it. I guess we both did find resolution. It is better to find the truth even if we do not like what we find it's better than never knowing.

Awhina i too have researched way back with my ancestors but found my dad hard to trace as he lived in five different countries. He was also a prossecution witness at what was one of the most contavertial trials in Australia and i wonder if he may have had some form of protection to his identity for a number of years afterwards.

tramp

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Re: Lost Family
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2008, 03:07:37 PM »
Jacqueline,

I was not offended by Awhini's first post, he simply got it wrong as there was no ''resolution'', because there was nothing to resolve or solve on my part as I haven't forgotten what my father looked like in flesh and blood - the photos are a bonus, mainly because we were both serving soldiers, and held the same ranks in very similar situations, facts that I already knew; it was just a fine pleasure to see the same pips on his shoulder in one the photos.

Thank you for your interest although my case is far different to yours as you started off almost completely in the dark, wheras my dad's army number and rank at that time, are on my birth certificate.

The comment that forms his second post struck me exactly as I posted: again it doesn't offend, nor, despite my ignorance of what he's referring to, does it mystify.

I've always admired a battler, as it usually means that you are a determined person who overcomes despite starting behind the ''eight ball'', so again I congratulate you on your research and hope that it will inspire others to ''go have a shuftie and a dig about''.

john2000

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Re: Lost Family
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2008, 03:14:21 PM »
You think you've got problems, we all have, even me, yes its true, I too have problems,looking up my family tree, bloody hell, talk about Pandora's box, some of the stuff I found out about my lot, after I put it all together, all my woman could hear was, well, bloody hell, Mmm I didn't know that, and as sure as god made little apples, the more I read the worse it got. and the squabbling among the family, was/is unbelievable.. and it still goes on today, ( nothing changes), only the first names, and years, talking of which, I can go back to 1664. I'm still looking at my Grandmothers family from Ireland, ( maybe thats why I like a good Guinness. O0.)....J2
Growing old is mandatory..........Growing up is optional

tramp

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Re: Lost Family
« Reply #10 on: April 23, 2008, 03:26:59 PM »
Hi John,

Hello again, I haven't heard from you for a bit.  As you still don't seem the kind of person who lets a problem get him down, I expect you found a marvellous and surprising journey into that familiar land that you and I know, called "Truth is Stranger Than Fiction" - which is why we'll never write that book, although a reliable supply of Guiness, and its ''Factor 8'' existence in your blood is likely to provide an enjoyable and exhilarating distraction from paper and pencil.  And as you say, nothing really changes.


 

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